by bl pawelek

(an FMC original)

In ten words (no more, no less), describe Most Likely You Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine

BT: Boy meets girl. Sparks fly. Things implode. Things change. Done?

Five Questions Here:

1 – Tell me another lyric title you thought of for your book.

BT: Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right. I was in a Dylan mode and everything sounded right.

2 – What is the one thing you dig about Bob Dylan?

BT: He tells stories about relationships that are somehow sad, funny, political and sweeping, yet still taut, all at once. He also reminds me of my dad. Sorry, that’s two things.

3 – So, who is who on the cover?

BT: From left to right: Geoff. Jen. Paul. Rhonda.

4 – What is the best and worst thing about dating in New York City?

BT: As a former New Yorker, the best thing about dating in New York City is that you get to date in New York City, the greatest city in the world. And as someone who now lives in Chicago, the worst thing about dating in New York City is that you have to date in New York City, a place the incredibly obnoxious locals consider the best city in the world, despite endlessly clear evidence to the contrary. What is that evidence you ask? We’re not allowed to say, it should just be obvious.

5 – (p29) So, are you Bob, Jones, Edwin, Descartes, or Oscar?

BT: On a good day, I probably fall between Bob’s very dude-like thinking and Descarte’s wishfully intellectual approach to providing sound advice. But after three drinks I am very Oscar.

Five Questions There:

6 – Do you think Geoff and Jen will last past page 200?

BT: I hope so, it’s possible, even probable, but it will be hard for them until at least page 700 or so of the imaginary ongoing story I hope someone, somewhere is attempting to write, because by then they will know enough about themselves to really make it work.

7 - What was the best pickup line you had for a girl?

BT: I was never good at this, persistence and alcohol were always my strengths. But many years ago, my best almost line, meaning I said it to someone I hadn’t really seen in some time, but then didn’t actually follow-up on their surprisingly positive reaction was, “I apologize for staring at your breasts, but I can’t help myself, their amazing. Did they look like that when we used to know each other?”

8 – Do you consider yourself a writer of romance novels?

BT: I’m going to be borderline cheesy here, but I consider myself a writer of confusion and coping, and so in that way, yes, romance for sure, but also death, loss, compulsion, friendship, humor and sex as well.

9 – Have you ever thought of making this into a screenplay?

BT: Sort of. I’m always thinking about what else I might work on, and I know I would really enjoy doing something like this, but I think I need someone to want me to first, because there is too much to do otherwise that seems more likely to be successful. That said, I did pick my cast for the proposed movie version of the book per the request of the fine folks at StoryCasting.com - and so I am ready when, and if, the request comes.

10 – You are one of the funniest writers I know. Hit me with your best joke.

BT: First off thank you, that’s a big compliment, and just to confirm, it doesn’t take much more than that to get me into bed, so really, you’re in. I should say though, that I think of myself in more of the Patton Oswalt meandering funny storytelling vein. Wow, that was grandiose of me. But as not to avoid this further here is the first joke I ever loved and on some level the joke that probably impacts much of what I say and do: A guy wanders into a convention hall at a hotel he’s staying in and sits down after hearing everyone inside is laughing. A dude near him yells out, number 72, and everyone continues to laugh. The guy says to the guy next to him, what was that about? The guy next to him says, we’re comedians and this is our annual convention. Since we’ve memorized every joke we just yell out the numbers now. The guy says really, I can do that and yells out, number twenty-seven. No one laughs. Nothing. He looks at his neighbor, and says, what was that, no one laughed. The guy next to him says, yeah, well, it’s all in the delivery.

In ten words, describe your next project.

BT: Interns. Neighbors. Babies. Marriage. Work. Friends. And The Hold Steady.

by BL Pawelek

(an FMC original)

Describe Dr. Polidori’s Sketchbook in ten words (no more, no less).

CR: Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies and drawings.

Five Questions Here:

1. Polidori had a quick, short life. What is his saddest fact?

CR: Byron called him Polly-Dolly (although I’m not sure that’s how he would have spelled it.) Wouldn’t that make anyone happy to die young?

2. So what is so bad about the Skeltonic form?

CR: You can’t write a limerick in iambics.

3. Are you trying to make the chicken hawk a popular haircut?

CR: The Chicken Hawk is a direct copy of innumerable bad haircuts on ancient busts of Caesar Augustus, but generally considered an improvement on Julius Caesar’s comb-over. At least Russell Crowe seemed to think so in adopting it for “Gladiator”.

4. What is your best line from The Vampyre?

CR: “It was then that I found myself the object of the gaze of a predator whose hungers had never been denied.”

5. You had rather I didn’t what?

CR: It out-Bartles Bartleby. Pray you avoid it.

Five Questions There:

6. What is the best and worst thing about the Romantic Period?

CR:

— The best thing: “Christabel”; the worst thing: virtually everything Wordsworth wrote after “Lyrical Ballads.”

— The best thing: “Don Juan,” which is hardly a Romantic poem at all, though written by the man whose life is supposed to be almost prototypically Romantic; the worst thing: rhapsodic solipsism.

— The best thing: rhyming Blake; the worst thing: non-rhyming Blake.

— The best thing: JMW Turner; the worst thing: that oaf Shelley and his skylarks.

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